Maybe I should start today by telling you all why I think Cancer is one of the themes of my path in life. Those of you who know me from childhood, know that I grew up in an oddball home. I had parents who loved me but, could never express that love in a normal healthy way. When my parents separated I was 13 years old. They were so busy fighting, bickering, and tearing down what they had built during their marriage that they left my sister and I to fend for ourselves. Regardless of anything else in my life, I became responsible for myself at age 14. I ended up running my life with little or no supervision from the adults in my world. As with most kids that this happens to, I was in a tailspin that first year. I tried drugs ( many drugs), ran with a rotten crowd, and generally did anything I could to get anyone to notice me and do what adults are supposed to do when a child is clearly having issues. Fortunately, god blessed me with a functioning brain and I started to come down to earth and back to normal when I was 15.
I owe a large part of my journey to the friends I had at the time: Carol D., Liz S., Karl T., Valerie B. and Yvette M.. All of these amigos had wonderful parents, who saw what was happening with me and stepped in to raise me. I know for sure if Carol's Mom had not semi adopted me, I would never have lived through high school. Gloria D. was the woman who made sure my parents paid for school clothes and supplies, and took me shopping to get them. Liz's mother and Yvette's mom both allowed me hundreds of sleepovers. Liz's Mom let me tag along on trips out of town with her family, she helped me get to my SATs, and took me to do things I never would have experienced with my parents (like Highland Games). All of them gave me a glimpse at what a normal life should look like.
As I grew up and left the small town I was raised in , I had many people stand in for my parents and made many friends. Cancer became a recurring theme in my life from age 14 forward. The first experience I had with Cancer was when my childhood friend, Valerie B. was diagnosed with Cancer our Freshman year at Lost Gatos High School. Valerie was one of the smartest, most dynamic people I knew. She was in advanced classes and when she wasn't at school she was a ballerina. She was the kind of athlete that was on toe shoes and aiming to go to ABT if she had a chance. We hung out in 4-H club together since we both had a love of showing and raising Rex rabbits. We had joined 4-H together at age 9 and it was the glue to our friendship.
Otherwise , I was so absorbed with trying to take care of myself that I did not take very good care of her. She was so brave. I remember one afternoon as we were leaving school together to carpool home she decided to run to the car. As soon as she took her first running step.. her wig flew off. I will never forget her laughter at being bald in front of the high school. There I was mortified for her, and she thought the whole thing was too funny. In retrospect, I can see the road map she gave me for dealing with Cancer with as much dignity as you can muster.
I of course, had my own demons to fight at the time. I was growing apart from Valerie simply by geography. I had to live with my Father in San Jose and she had a wonderful life with her family back in Los Gatos. As we went through high school she had to stop taking classes on campus and take classes at home. Our relationship dwindled down to phone conversations and the occasional activity together. Her disease scared me, I did not understand it. I was too young and narcissistic to have any empathy for her. As far as regrets in life go, I don't have many. My failure to do more for Valerie is probably the one thing I would go back and change if I had a chance.
Valerie actually made it through those four years of high school. We graduated together in 1984 and she proudly walked at graduation with our class. She died about 2 weeks later from a brain tumor that the doctor's had failed to diagnose . I had no one to support me and take me to her funeral, so I did not go.. it scared me too much. To this day I regret not being there for her family and for her.
Valerie, wherever you are now, I want to thank you. You taught me that you can be happy regardless what happens to you. You taught me that you can move forward in life no matter what your circumstances. And finally, you taught me that good friends are not to be discounted. We don't get many chances in life for true lasting friendship. We get even fewer chances to help our friends transition from life to death with dignity and happiness. I blew my first chance and have been making it up ever since. I hope wherever you are that you can see how you changed the course of my life here on earth.
The photo is a 1976 Photo of our 4-H
Field Day!!
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