I thought I would take a break today since chemo yesterday made me pretty sick. As I write this I am again hooked to an IV pole at SCOA. Today I will let someone else do the writing.
This is an article written by my Sister, Erin Dempsey. She and her daughter, Courtney, have been helping out with my cancer care since my diagnosis in June 2011. I am not sure how Oscar and I would have survived all of the ups and downs of cancer without their help. As you will see , I have been very blessed by the people I have around me.. Courtney and Erin rock!!!
As with all my other guest blog posters, I asked Erin to talk a bit about how all this affected her? I also asked her what she thought was the most helpful thing she was able to do for the cancer patient she was a caregiver for , in this case me?
Just in case you don't know, I never edit or change guest blog posts in any way!
Here is what she wrote:
How To Help a Family
Member with Cancer
Hmmm, where
do you even start with that one? Well, I
guess we can start with the obvious…
a) Hear diagnosis and have a ton of
bricks fall on your head
b) Make a lame attempt at absorbing the
shock and not saying something stupid
c) Immediately conjure up the thought of
curing cancer yourself – right now. How
do you translate all that marketing experience with computer companies the last
25 years into immediate and earth shattering results in the lab? Maybe…?? NOT!!
d) GET REAL ABOUT HERE AND NOW
If you have
been following Tara’s blog, I don’t need to remind you of how this all went
down and I will work to stay on point with simple ideas that seemed to help her
and may possibly help someone else going through this battle.
After you
have had a minute to experience that initial, immediate and overwhelming sense
of helplessness that happens when you hear about a loved one having cancer, try
to start to think about the small and everyday things that appear to be super
simple …
UHHHH unless
you feel like CRAP because you have CANCER!
That is
where I started my thought process – since she is dealing with all this, what
can be taken off her plate to make all that other stuff easier to handle?
My first
thought (probably still in “shock” land) was – how do we keep weight on her
while she is going through this? Many
have seen and understood that the disease takes a toll on weight, not to
mention the process to try and rid someone of that disease. Tara said she did
not have the energy to cook, and many of the smells a lot of foods were putting
off made her want to barf!
Take action – don’t sit around. Not only does
this keep your racing mind occupied, but you are actually getting something
done that could make a difference! This
may vary from person to person depending on his/her needs. In Tara’s case, I took my butt to the kitchen
and decided to whip up some of my specialties I thought she might like, or at
the very least could pick and choose from – eliminating the need for cooking
while she was dealing with a crazy routine of medical appointments, hospital
and chemo visits. The ironic and
hysterical part about this action was that I have been listening to her husband
make jokes about my cooking for 14 years (as in, I suck at it). Nevertheless, I was determined not to poison
her more than the cancer. I packed
everything up in easy single serving meals and hauled it over…
Long story
short, she was able to eat some of the things I brought and no cooking was
needed. It got them through a week or so
straight out of the hospital. Just one less
thing.
Advocacy is a big deal.
It turns out that when people get slammed with life-threatening news, it
is a lot to take in...??!! If you can,
try to be there to listen to the doctors and nurses. Take notes and ASK QUESTIONS. I don’t care if they look at you like you are
from Mars – make sure you understand the information being imparted. Your family member with cancer is generally
in pain, totally overwhelmed by the information being given from all different
directions and having a hard time navigating the medical system – insurance
issues and otherwise. It’s not called “Chemo Brain” for nothing! Do not take for granted that the patient will
retain information given them or that any nurse or doctor walking in that room
knows who she/he is, what exactly is needed, etc. Those folks are human and can be capable of
human error just like anyone else.
Additionally, make sure the patient and those they trust believe that
the medical team surrounding them is the best one for the job. The patient is the customer, and THE CUSTOMER
IS ALWAYS RIGHT. If something makes you
uncomfortable, doesn’t sit right, or feels just plain wrong – question it,
change it, do whatever it takes to get your loved one informed and comfortable
with who is treating them.
Check on the other ones.
You are probably not the only one having a hard time coping, feeling
helpless or overwhelmed. There are
others that may be too and need to be heard and helped if needed. Take the time to ask them how they are doing
and listen. You may find an outlet or
source of support in the meantime. At
the very least, you can find ways to collaborate on things that might help the
one dealing with being poked and prodded on a regular basis.
Here’s
something a little more personal but works for me… I am not a girl to blow
smoke up people’s butts, and that isn’t going to start because you have cancer,
but I DO truly believe that one day should be taken at a time. Staying positive and keeping it real has
worked well for us. Dealing with here
and now seems to make the most sense.
Jump over one hurdle before you start freaking out about the next. Do your best to talk your loved one off the
fence when you see them starting to “spin”.
Be a good anchor!
What I have
discovered over the last two years is that there are ways to help that do
matter and can make a difference.
Finding a complete cure for cancer would be awesome, but dealing with
immediate needs seems to make the most real sense for those of us that aren’t
rocket scientists.
Lastly –
never miss the opportunity to tell someone you love them. Tara and I came from a fractured family that
didn’t do that and one of the coolest things that came out of that was wanting
to be there for each other and not missing those opportunities – cancer be
damned. We just roll like that!
No comments:
Post a Comment
Thank you for your comments!